Satan’s Beatitudes

If the devil were to write his beatitudes they would probably go something like this:

Blessed are they who are too tired and busy to go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays, for they are my best workers.

Blessed are they who are bored with the minister’s mannerism and mistakes, for they get nothing out of his sermon.

Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church, for he is part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed are they who gossip, for they cause strife and divisions that please me.

Blessed are they who are easily offended, for they soon get angry and quit.

Blessed are they who do not give their tithes and offerings to carry on God’s work, for they are my best workers.

Blessed are they who profess to love God, but hates his brother, for he shall be with me forever.

Blessed are the trouble-makers, for they shall be called the children of Satan.

Blessed are the complainers, for I am all ears to them.